Indian “Hookup” Culture: Things we don’t talk about…

This isn’t a judgment, just my personal take. In a world where social media and dating apps make casual encounters more common, I find myself at odds with this trend. It’s everywhere now, at least in the metro cities—people meeting, interacting, and having fun. And while I understand why it works for some, it’s just not my thing. But I don’t hate it; these are things on the edge of freedom, dependent on society, not individuals. I feel such things should be discussed openly instead of ignoring them. Here are my few thoughts on Indian hookup culture, which is rarely talked about…

The Changing Dynamics

Indian youth are changing. It’s more common now to have sexual relationships before marriage than ever before. People are meeting, interacting, and having fun. Add social media and dating apps to the mix, and you have a full-fledged system.

Clashing with Conservative Roots

In the midst of all this, something remains. Most people come from humble backgrounds that have been historically conservative. Their parents won’t ever understand the “hookup” culture. Then there’s another group who have self-restrictions. Those who take these matters a little more seriously. For them, this gets complicated. On one hand, they are progressive enough to understand this new culture, but on the other hand, they don’t want to get involved in this seeming mess.

The Lucky and the Stuck

Hookup culture is an interesting beast. Some folks get lucky and stumble upon stable relationships that eventually lead to marriage—something that’s a big deal in Indian society and gets a lot of societal approval. But then, there are those who find themselves stuck in a loop of casual flings, which can be a bit of a rollercoaster.

For people who get critical and serious about any relationship, it can feel like a tough game. They deserve to find what they’re looking for too. Just because someone wants a deeper connection doesn’t mean they’re asking for too much. Their desire for a meaningful relationship is just as valid as anyone else’s quest for fun or excitement.

So, whether you’re finding your way to a committed relationship or still navigating the ups and downs of hookups, everyone’s experience is part of the bigger picture. And really, everyone deserves to get what they want out of their love life, without judgment.

Explaining to Indian Parents

Here’s a simple explanation of hookup culture for all those who don’t know exactly what it is:

Hookup: A spontaneous and casual connection where two people explore chemistry, intimacy, and sexual relationships, all without the expectations of long-term commitment or emotional attachment.

One of the hardest things is explaining this hookup culture to Indian parents. They come from a time when relationships were about long-term commitment and marriage. The idea of casual, non-committal relationships is foreign to them. Trying to explain how social media and dating apps facilitate these encounters can feel impossible. To them, it’s all about stability and long-term planning, not momentary connections. They value relationships built on years of knowing each other, not quick interactions. But there’s also a paradox of arranged marriages we will talk about that later.

Positive side of Hookup Culture

But there are few reasons you might want to look into it:

1. Freedom and Flexibility

Hookups offer a sense of freedom and flexibility that traditional relationships might not. You can meet new people without the pressure of long-term commitment, allowing you to explore different connections and experiences. This can be particularly liberating for those who value their independence and personal space.

2.Exploration and Discovery

Casual encounters give you the chance to explore your own desires and preferences. It’s a way to discover what you like in a partner without the constraints of a serious relationship.

3. Excitement and Novelty

There’s a thrill in meeting someone new and the excitement of a spontaneous connection. Hookup culture can provide a sense of adventure and keep things interesting.

4. Self-Growth and Independence

Casual relationships can foster personal growth and independence. Without the dependency that can come with a committed relationship, you have more time and energy to focus on your own goals and aspirations. This can be a period of significant personal development and self-improvement.

That doesn’t mean it’s always okay to have casual relationship, some people don’t like it and it’s okay. I want to tell few points which may resonate with older generation but also with few youngsters…

And It’s Okay if you don’t like this culture…

For those who don’t believe in this culture (I never said disrespect), here are a few things I have to say:

1. You Are Actually Really Open-Minded

Whenever you are with someone (in the present or future), you will be accepting their past without even asking them about it. This requires a lot of mental juice, and only privileged individuals (those with fewer failures) can do this. So if you are one, you are a gem. If you are not, you are not alone and should not blame yourself for that.

2. You Have Strong Opinions

Maybe someone cheated on you, or you have some sort of trauma, or simply your value system doesn’t align with it. Whatever the reason, it should not be the limiting factor. It’s okay to have some opinions and choices. Some would never date a girl/boy who drinks alcohol. Some people would only date night-wingers. And that’s okay. Having a choice is not a bad thing.

3. You Don’t Fit in

You might not feel like you fit into the hookup culture because you’re not even thinking about getting into relationships or casual encounters. Maybe you’re more focused on other aspects of your life right now. And that’s okay. Some people thrive in casual relationships, but it’s perfectly fine if you don’t. It’s important to have your own boundaries and filters to navigate through life, even if it means opting out of the hookup scene.

Effects of Hookup on Mental Health

Instead of looking for deep, lasting connections, many young adults are chasing quick thrills—a fleeting moment of pleasure and the rush of feeling “chosen,” even if it’s just for a night. It’s like a game where everyone competes for attention, but no one really wins.

The impact of this hookup culture goes beyond just a bit of temporary dissatisfaction. It’s causing real psychological distress. Surveys show that many college students end up feeling worse after hookups—things like regret, embarrassment, and lowered self-esteem are common. According to an APA survey of over 1,400 undergrads, more than 80% experienced negative feelings afterward, such as loss of respect and trouble forming stable relationships. Another study found that about 78% of women and 72% of men regretted their uncommitted sexual encounters. These brief interactions are linked to increased symptoms of depression and anxiety, adding to the growing mental health issues among young people.

Read more about this in this article: Confronting the Toll of Hookup Culture

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Now let’s talk about this in the context of Indian Arranged Marriage!

Arranged Marriage Paradox

Here’s an interesting paradox: the downsides of arranged marriages can sometimes be addressed by hookup culture. Arranged marriages often focus on long-term commitment and family approval, sometimes missing out on individual compatibility and sexual desires. Hookup culture allows people to explore these aspects without the pressure of long-term commitment. It also provides a space to understand different types of sexuality—whether gay, bisexual, or otherwise—and the importance of sexual compatibility. It even opens up discussions about polygamy (which is not legal in India) and polyamorous relationships, which might not be considered in traditional arranged marriages.

But that doesn’t mean arranged marriages are bad. They provide stability and shared values, which can be fulfilling for many. In the end, it’s all about finding what works best for you.

Respecting Boundaries

Having strong opinions about hookup or even dating is perfectly normal, I would say. It’s about intimacy. It’s about the boundaries that we set. And it’s okay. Some people like it, some don’t.

Hookup culture isn’t inherently bad; it’s just not for everyone. Youngsters shouldn’t feel pressured to conform, and parents shouldn’t see it as vile. It’s about individual choices and respecting different perspectives. People have all the freedom and should do what their heart desires. I just don’t like hookup culture personally but I don’t hate people for that, and I don’t think anyone should hate it either.