A Clarity You Get When You Learn to Fight Alone

There comes a moment in life, a subtle shift, when the early excitement of your career begins to fade, no more honeymoon period. It’s around the same time you notice that your friends are drifting away, your family is aging, and suddenly, responsibilities you never thought you’d bear are laid at you. Loneliness can creep in during this period. It doesn’t happen to everyone at the same age, but it happens, usually before you hit 30! (Statistically). 

This is the phase where doubts creep in, questions about your career, relationships, friendships, family, health, finances… an endless list. The answers, if they exist, are far from simple and can intensify feelings of loneliness.

And so, there are two paths this story can take, shaped by who you are and the connections you have. In times of loneliness, these paths can diverge significantly. 

In the first version, you have a “girlfriend”, not necessarily a person, but a metaphor for support. Someone who cares for you, understands you, shares your doubts and helps you solve them. This “girlfriend effect” is a team effort, a sense of belonging and shared struggle. Most find it in their surroundings, or sometimes in an actual partner (lucky bastards). 

But the second version is where things get interesting. Here, you don’t have a girlfriend, no support system at all. There’s no one who truly understands your struggles or is searching for the same answers. This is where the real story begins. Without a girlfriend, you often find yourself surrounded by others who are also alone, struggling in silence, contributing to a collective sense of loneliness.

Struggling alone at a young age leaves its mark. It either forges a bold, precise individual or leaves scars that linger. Either way, it’s an exhilarating and painfully raw journey. It’s like holding a candle on a dark, deserted street at night. No matter how much you scream, the fear doesn’t subside. No matter how hard you try, the candle won’t illuminate the entire street. And then, it hits you…that realisation…No matter how terrifying, how dark, how unbearable it gets, you HAVE to handle it. And you CAN handle it. In those moments of darkness, in the chaos of feeling loneliness, you find a mysterious sense of clarity, a depth that those with a girlfriend might never know.

Not promoting “being single forever is cool” etc, but at least TRY embracing to be alone(?) Understanding loneliness and learning to cope can foster personal growth, learning to fight alone is the greatest gift aloneness gives us.

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Thanks for reading! 🙂